22 Savage Roasts That Hurt & Rhyme – Brutal Burns You Gotta Steal

Listen, we’ve all been there. Someone’s mouthing off, and you need roasts that hurt and rhyme—something that stings and sticks. I learned this the hard way after my cousin Derek out-roasted me at Thanksgiving. (RIP my dignity, 2017.)

So here’s my revenge: 22 roast lines that rhyme so vicious, they’ll leave your target questioning their life choices. And yeah, every single one’s a roast that hurts.

1. “Your IQ’s so low, it’s a disgrace, even a sloth could win this race.”

I used this on my ex’s new boyfriend. The silence? Chef’s kiss.

2. “You’re so fake, it’s no surprise, even your shadow tells lies.”

Perfect for that friend who’s two-faced. Like, Kim, we know you stole my eyeliner.

3. “Your jokes are weak, just like your spine, talking to you’s a waste of time.”

Shoutout to my uncle Dave, who still thinks knock-knock jokes are peak comedy.

Rain. Mud. A shovel. That’s how my first roast battle went. Got demolished. Never again.

4. “Your face could scare a ghost away, maybe try a mask—what do you say?”

Harsh? Sure. But so was my acne phase in 8th grade. We all suffer.

5. “You’ve got the charm of a wilted rose, and the brains of a garden hose.”

Stole this from my grandma. She’s wicked with words.

Fun fact: Shakespeare low-key invented roasting. Dude wrote entire plays just to clown people.

6. “You talk so much, yet say so little, your words are weaker than a dollar that’s brittle.”

For that coworker who won’t shut up in meetings. Linda, I’m begging you.

7. “You’re so slow, it’s kinda tragic, even snails call you ‘pathetic’.”

My gym teacher yelled this at me in 10th grade. Still recovering.

Self-deprecating moment: My first comeback attempt? “Uh… your mom?” Groundbreaking.

8. “Your style’s so bad, it’s a crime, looking at you should do jail time.”

Directed at my little brother’s cargo shorts phase. Never forget.

9. “You’re so lazy, it’s insane, even your shadow needs a break.”

Me, to myself, every Sunday.

Regional slang test: These roasts are hella effective. Or as my Boston friend says, wicked savage.

10. “Your ego’s big, your skills are small, the only thing you’re great at? Nothing at all.”

Dropped this in a group chat. Still waiting for replies. Crickets.

11. “You’re so dumb, it’s kinda scary, you make a rock look like a library.”

Classic. Timeless. Like my failed attempt at baking bread in 2020.

Obscure reference: In 18th-century France, duels were fought over worse insults. Just saying.

12. “Your love life’s drier than desert sand, no wonder you’re single—who’d hold your hand?”

Used this on my dating-app matches. Unmatched immediately. Worth it.

13. “You’re so weak, it’s just sad, even a feather could make you mad.”

For that one friend who blocks you over a meme. Chill, Jessica.

Deliberate typo: Their/there/they’re? I know the difference. Most days.

14. “Your breath’s so bad, it’s a crime, ever heard of brushing? Give it a try.”

My dentist wrote this on my bill. Just kidding. Maybe.

15. “You’re so ugly, it’s unreal, even mirrors crack—that’s the deal.”

Save this for enemies. Or your reflection after a 3 AM binge.

Hyper-specific memory: The Walmart parking lot rosemary incident of June 2019. Never again.

16. “You’re so broke, it’s a fact, even your shadow’s cutting you slack.”

Me, checking my bank account post-Christmas.

17. “You’re so loud, yet so wrong, like a broken clock—you’re annoying all day long.”

Family reunions in a nutshell.

Coffee-stained wisdom: Spilled my latte drafting these. “Their weak comebacks…” Nope. Fixed it. Mostly.

18. “Your personality’s bland, like plain white rice, talking to you? No thanks—not twice.”

For anyone who says “I dunno” to every question. Try harder.

19. “You’ve got the warmth of an ice-cold stare, no wonder nobody wants you there.”

My cat’s vibe. And my ex’s.

Local biz shoutout: Stole a comeback from Pete’s Hardware cashier. Legend.

20. “You’re so fake, it’s no surprise, even your reflection tells lies.”

Instagram vs. reality, folks.

21. “You’re so weak, it’s just sad, even a breeze could make you mad.”

Twitter arguments in one line.

22. “Your jokes are weak, your style’s worse, you’re like a curse—but way more terse.”

Mic drop.

Final Thought

These roasts that hurt and rhyme? Battle-tested. My cousin Derek still won’t look me in the eye.

Got a savage roast that rhymes of your own? Drop it below. Or don’t. I’ll probably steal it anyway. 🔥

 

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